"Today is June 6, or as some people call it, 'D-Day'. It commemorates some sort of event that happened before I graced the world with my presence. Some people claim it's a big f'in deal, but if I wasn't involved, then I doubt it. But apparently it had to do with some sort of war. I of course oppose all wars, as do my sons and the people of all 57 states. However, let me be clear: If this 'D-Day' thing was successful, it was only due to my brave and inspired leadership. I am of course the greatest general that I think I've ever heard of. And I'm smarter than anyone else because I am a genius, so if I say I'm a genius, then I'm right, and ya'll are wrong. That's what you get for disagreeing with someone of my incredible intellect. If it failed, it's of course because I wasn't given correct information.
Where was I? Telling you that I am the one who graced you with my leadership through the.... ummmm... however many long years of war that I inherited. I inherited this mess, because of the mistakes of my predecessor. I've fixed it. Not only have I brought the war to a successful conclusion, but I have also trained my troops to follow my commands. And I'm the one who designed the ships and airplanes that are playing such a vital role. I also trained all my generals to carry out my plans against the enemy, whoever they are. Republicans, I think. What's that? Germans? What, didn't they listen when I told them I wanted to reset our relations?
But there it is. I've once again led you to victory, despite the fact that I inherited this mess. You can't fix things overnight, and if I made a mistake- which we all know is impossible, but let's pretend for a moment that I can make mistakes like ya'll do- then it's because I wasn't given enough information by the militaristic pigs who I am forced to endure while I remake the world in my image.
Or my predecessor, who clearly didn't do enough to bring victory home to Amurikka, like I just did. It's my gift to you for your wisdom in letting me lead you to the promised land. Ya'll don't really deserve me, or anyone half as brilliant as me, but I'm willing to cut you some slack on this.
Now if ya'll will just empty your wallets and pockets into the bins on your way out, I can get back out to hobnobbing with those one-percenters who are ignorant enough to agree with me and give me money.
I, I, I... I hope I've been clear enough on all I did for you on D-Day. Now it's time to move forward, because we are the change we've been hoping for!
Now where are my golf clubs?"
***********
Okay, so that was a complete load of snark. Just to balance that out, and to continue paying tribute to the brave men who dared so much, here is the actual statement made by President Roosevelt to the American people on that day. Note again the lack of the "Vertical Pronoun", as someone once called it.
My Fellow Americans:
Last night, when I spoke with you about the fall of Rome, I knew at that moment that troops of the United States and our Allies were crossing the Channel in another and greater operation. It has come to pass with success thus far.
And so, in this poignant hour, I ask you to join with me in prayer:
Almighty God: Our sons, pride of our nation, this day have set upon a mighty endeavor, a struggle to preserve our Republic, our religion, and our civilization, and to set free a suffering humanity.
Lead them straight and true; give strength to their arms, stoutness to their hearts, steadfastness in their faith.
They will need Thy blessings. Their road will be long and hard. For the enemy is strong. He may hurl back our forces. Success may not come with rushing speed, but we shall return again and again; and we know that by Thy grace, and by the righteousness of our cause, our sons will triumph.
They will be sore tried, by night and by day, without rest -- until the victory is won. The darkness will be rent by noise and flame. Men's souls will be shaken with the violences of war.
For these men are lately drawn from the ways of peace. They fight not for the lust of conquest. They fight to end conquest. They fight to liberate. They fight to let justice arise, and tolerance and goodwill among all Thy people. They yearn but for the end of battle, for their return to the haven of home.
Some will never return. Embrace these, Father, and receive them, Thy heroic servants, into Thy kingdom.
And for us at home -- fathers, mothers, children, wives, sisters, and brothers of brave men overseas, whose thoughts and prayers are ever with them -- help us, Almighty God, to rededicate ourselves in renewed faith in Thee in this hour of great sacrifice.
Many people have urged that I call the nation into a single day of special prayer. But because the road is long and the desire is great, I ask that our people devote themselves in a continuance of prayer. As we rise to each new day, and again when each day is spent, let words of prayer be on our lips, invoking Thy help to our efforts.
Give us strength, too -- strength in our daily tasks, to redouble the contributions we make in the physical and the material support of our armed forces.
And let our hearts be stout, to wait out the long travail, to bear sorrows that may come, to impart our courage unto our sons wheresoever they may be.
And, O Lord, give us faith. Give us faith in Thee; faith in our sons; faith in each other; faith in our united crusade. Let not the keeness of our spirit ever be dulled. Let not the impacts of temporary events, of temporal matters of but fleeting moment -- let not these deter us in our unconquerable purpose.
With Thy blessing, we shall prevail over the unholy forces of our enemy. Help us to conquer the apostles of greed and racial arrogances. Lead us to the saving of our country, and with our sister nations into a world unity that will spell a sure peace -- a peace invulnerable to the schemings of unworthy men. And a peace that will let all of men live in freedom, reaping the just rewards of their honest toil.
Thy will be done, Almighty God.
Amen.
President Franklin D. Roosevelt - June 6, 1944
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