It was an exciting day in Plymouth Massachusetts! And not just because Thanksgiving was coming! No indeed! On this date in 1620, the Pilgrims marked the birth of Peregrine Took, er White. He was the first child born in the colony, so that also made him the first English person born in North America. If that were to happen today, his parents would probably receive a lifetime supply of diapers, formula, and a new mini-van; while Oprah or her minions would ask the parents what their plans are for the young man, and how they feel about having such a momentous birth in their family. My guess is that their plans would be for him to survive to adulthood, and presumably become a virtuous family man. And I suspect their plans were fairly successful, since he lived until 1704, which was a pretty darn good lifespan then.
Happy birthday also to Otto von Habsburg, speaking of good lifespans. He would have been the Austrian Emperor, if Austria still have emperors. He was born in 1912, and just died a few months ago. His father became heir when Franz Ferdinand, the heir apparent, was assassinated- which started a bit of unpleasantness in Europe that became World War I. And then the Emperor Franz Joseph died, and dad got promoted. As did Otto, though he was a bit young to appreciate it, I guess. His full name. by the way was "Franz Joseph Otto Robert Maria Anton Karl Max Heinrich Sixtus Xavier Felix Renatus Ludwig Gaetan Pius Ignatius."
If you're a fan of the KKK, then you'll be celebrating the birthday of Kleagle Robert Byrd. Of course, he claimed that he didn't really join- join the KKK. Denying that was one of his hobbies, right up there with spending everyone elses tax dollars in West Virginia on things that could be named after himself.
It's also the birthday of Robert F. Kennedy, known to some as "the only Kennedy worth a crap". You'll be happy to know, if you missed the story that nobody much covered last week, that his son's company got a billion dollar bailout from the government. In fairness, the company was on the verge of going under, as it was pretty spectacularly failing, and we can't allow that, now can we? Next thing you know, we would have had a smaller federal debt, and then where would we be?
Give a kiss to Richard Dawson on this date. He hasn't gotten enough of them over the years. Fun fact: When he was auditioning for the role of "Newkirk" on Hogan's Heroes, they didn't like his accent- it was incomprehensible to the audience, the big shots said. So he changed it. Which is ironic, since most people had no trouble picking up the words of the other famous Liverpudlians of the time. You know: Ringo and his three pals, whose names escape me.
It's also the birthday, 1939 style of Tom Smothers. Contrary to what you might think, big brother Dick is the brains of the whole operation, and always has been. I think that might be a good rule of thumb- if you have a duo where one person plays the stupid one, he's probably the smart one. Just now thought of that, but it seems true. And profound. By that way, his father was a West Pointer, and was captured by the Japanese in WWII. He died in captivity, not long before the War ended.
And here's a fun fact: Remember Officer Judy, who was a regular on the Smother Brothers Show? Well Bob Einstein was born on this date in 1940. Why do you care? Since we're talking about Einsteins I'll lay it out mathematically: Bob Einstein=Officer Judy=Super Dave Osborne. Cool, huh?
"Spirit in the Sky" singer Norman Greenbaum was born on this date in 1942, as was some dumbass named Joe Biden. But I'll skip out on that one, as one could snark on Biden for about 17 years without repeating oneself.
Duane Allman, considered by some to be the best guitarist in the history of rock music, was born on this date in 1946. Sadly, he was a motorcycle rider, and that didn't end well for him.
Speaking of great guitar players, Joe Walsh was also born on this date the next year. As I recall, his amusing appearances on the Drew Carey Show were supposed to lead to a second career as an actor. Guess that didn't pan out, but I guess Joe could probably say "Life's Been Good", and mean it.
All hail the Mustache of Power!!!! John Bolton was born in 1948 on this date. He's brilliant, understands history, and says things that make sense. Therefore, liberals hate him. It's almost a pattern!
Here's a name you won't come across too often. Happy birthday, 1951 style to voice actor Rodger Bumpass. No idea what he's done, but when your name is "Bumpass", well you deserve a lot of recognition. However, a quick look tells me he was Squidward Tentacles on SpongeBob. So that's impressive too. But not as impressive as being born with a name like "Bumpass" and not changing it!
Looking for a perfect 10? Look no farther than the luscious Bo Derek, born on this date in 1956. Thinking back to my younger days, I wonder how many man-hours of productivity were spent in the 1980s by guys who were, as they say, "in their bunks". Bet it was more time than was spent on the entire Manhattan Project. And she still looks pretty darn good!
Joel McHale of "Community" turns 40 today. Sadly, the idiots in TV put the Show on hiatus. No sir, can't allow a good show to survive. BTW, the current internet meme is "Community got cancelled, yet 'Whitney' is still on the air. What's wrong with this picture?"
Some guy named Jason Thompson was born on this date too. I guess he's both Canadian and a soap actor. That's pretty bad. He only makes the list so I can make a comment about how he's a disgrace to his name if he can't put one over the right field roof in Tiger Stadium, like the REAL Jason Thompson did. What a travesty.
Oh, and the uber-hot Nadine Velazquez was also born on this date. She was awesome in "My name is Earl", at least until the show got too boring to watch. And I'm not convinced that she's able to take away the hottest birthday girl title from Bo Derek. Sorry, honey. Try again next... Oh wait. Don't bother.
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